ACTIVATE(D): Megan #1

When I first heard of these ACTIVATE(D) classes, I had no idea that this is what it was all about. I am literally blown away by the potential of this and so excited about it. I can already see how God perfectly lined things up for me so I would be ready to receive this when it was presented to me. He broke down my walls that were keeping me from experiencing an intimate relationship with Him. I left session 2 believing every single lie listed on that paper, as I have for nearly my entire life. But in the few days between sessions 2 and 3, He made such a shift in my being. By the time I attended session 3, I had already been experiencing God's truths for me. As we reviewed the key points in the lesson, I was smiling with pure joy that only comes from Him. The whole session was a reaffirmation for me of what I had already been experiencing for myself. I knew it ALL to be true. 

I am looking forward to doing the part 2 Team Series. More so, I am looking forward to this new, exciting walk I am having with my Heavenly Father...

[Read the full story of Megan’s spiritual transformation below.]

Photo by Brittani Burns. https://unsplash.com/photos/DfLtSZdWmDU

I have walked in darkness for a long time, even though I was brought up going to church. I accepted Jesus as my Savior when I was about five years old. I sang all those delightful Sunday school songs in church and with my mom at home, like Jesus Loves Me, The B-I-B-L-E, and I’ve Got the Joy-Joy-Joy-Joy Down in My Heart.

Then something happened when I was just eight years old. I experienced a trauma that shook me to my core. It took me years to realize, but I blamed myself for what happened. A wall of shame built up around my heart. This shame would make me believe that God’s love and forgiveness did not apply to me. I kept this hidden in my heart and it infiltrated every aspect of my life. I clung to it for over thirty years and allowed it to rule over me.

I was not immune to God’s love, however. He continued to be there, helping me with my struggles whenever I asked, and even when I did not. He blessed me with two beautiful babies, both of whom are living miracles, only alive by the grace of God. Both started out life prematurely and with medical complications that could have easily taken them from me, but I am overwhelmingly grateful that they are healthy and thriving.

But I have wavered in my faith. Inconsistently going to church. Only praying in desperation. Finding excuses not to study the Word. Unable to connect with God or feel His presence.

But God is good. He lit a spark in me. The desire to connect with Him started to grow. I started signing up for Bible studies at church. Often my social anxiety would quickly make me regret getting involved in such things, but I kept signing up. One of the classes I signed up for was Discover A(D). With colorful post-it notes and a poster board, I began examining my life, remembering significant events. Identifying which ones were joyful and which were painful. Seeing what God had shown me in those experiences. Then we started talking about the lies we believe when we do not trust God’s Word and how to counter those lies with God’s truths. Great stuff! But there was a problem. I believed the lies. That I was unloved, unworthy, powerless, worried, alone, insignificant. I believed all these things about myself. I wanted to believe God’s truths. That I was loved and wanted, forgiven, peaceful, and empowered to live a fruitful life. But I did not know how to believe. Something was blocking the way.

But God is good. I knew I had to do something. I was on the brink of a meltdown. My anxiety was overwhelming. God put it in my mind that there was someone I could trust. I quickly reached out to her, requesting to meet and talk. I sent out the message before I could talk myself out of it. Then a new wave of anxiety hit as I wondered what on earth I would say to her.

We met and we prayed together. But this was a new kind of prayer for me. This was not me telling God, “Thank you for this day.” This was asking God to show me very specifically what was causing this anguish inside of me. Then listening for a response. After praying for a while was when I discovered the truth – I felt shame. Shame for what had happened so many years ago. Shame I did not even know I had. But we took it a step further. Not only did we identify the shame, but we asked God to destroy it. We flung it out and away from me, scattering it as far as the East is from the West. In that moment, a very heavy weight was lifted off me. Immediately I could feel a new-found sense of freedom.

We also prayed that God would show me how He loves me. This is perhaps the most powerful prayer I have ever prayed. In that moment, my entire being was filled with His love. There is not one cell in my body that escaped His outpouring to me. A smile spread across my face, but its origin was rooted deep inside my heart. The feeling is difficult to describe, but God answers it the same way every time I ask. So, I do not hesitate to ask again and again, as often as I need or desire to have that reassurance from Him.

Everything began to change. I began to see how deeply rooted the shame was because I began to experience everything in a new way. Joy began to fill every part of me that was once drenched in shame. I started to feel like my life was enjoyable and worth living. I began to love my family more, to be happy to be around them, to show them love by serving them. Best of all, I am connected to God again. I have an intimate relationship with Him. He filled me with the desire to know Him more. I no longer operate in survival mode. I do whatever I can that will keep me close to my Abba Father, my Heavenly Daddy, who I know loves me deeply.

Now that I am experiencing this deep-rooted joy from God, I do not want to keep it to myself. I want to connect with people and show them love and kindness as He has shown me. He has given me a boldness to speak to others that I never would have had the courage on my own to do. God nudges me to speak up at work, to encourage my team. My co-workers now look forward to my bi-weekly words of encouragement! He has even given me specific messages for certain individuals, and I have reached out to personally deliver those messages. This has led to deeper conversations and invites to church! I am following His lead and am immensely blessed every time I do.

I am still learning so much. I am learning to take it day by day, sometimes moment by moment, to put God first in every aspect of my life. I not only start my day with devotion, prayer, and worship, but keep coming back to Him throughout the day, and during the night if I wake. When I keep God front and center, everything just falls into place. When I stray from there, the fear, doubt, and anxiety all start to creep back in. But spending so much time being present in His presence has helped me to recognize quickly when it happens. Then I can immediately refocus again through prayer and worship. Pain is so fleeting and temporary; it pales in comparison to the joy I have from my loving Father. One thing I know is that I do not want to sever this connection I have with God. It is love, it is peace, it is joy, it is EVERYTHING to me.